For many years, my mother and I had a tradition of taking a “girls’ trip” tin early May o celebrate her birthday and Mother’s Day. I cherished those trips—they were always great fun. It was also a time alone where we could share what was on our mind, our experiences, and our aspirations. It was a cherished opportunity gain more insights into unique lessons in leadership from my mother.
My mother re-entered the workforce when my youngest sister entered grade school. This was a time when there were few working mothers. She had to organize running of the house, planning meals, managing our school and after-school activities and running a business. We were a middle-class family and there wasn’t full time help at home. So, she had a big challenge and she found solutions.
As my mother planned the week, she let each of us (my father, my sisters and me, and my grandmother) know our responsibilities and her expectations. I’m sure she was exhausted at the end of each week—but she and my father made time for us and for socializing with family and friends. My parents probably had some financial challenges, but that wasn’t apparent to us. We always felt well cared for, loved and special.
As I built my personal and professional life, I often drew on the example my mother set for me:
- Leaders take on many and varied responsibilities, so planning is essential. This meant being aware of the calendar events of her “team” (family) and how to balance the regular schedule with special events and even the unexpected.
- Involve all of your “team” in your planning. This assured buy-in from each of us and all of us. It also created opportunities for each of us to share our ideas as well. We felt valued.
- Build in” thoughtful time” and fun time with your “team” and create the space for listening and conversations. For us, this occurred during dinner and on Sundays (you couldn’t go shopping on Sunday at that time, so activities were fun and “team” centered). Our conversations covered an array of topics and personal opinions. My mother and my father were skilled at listening, taking it all in and not mandating unless it was appropriate and/or necessary. In turn, the “team” members were comfortable sharing and we learned to listen to one another (and that’s not easy for teenagers).
- Acknowledge the accomplishments of your team and don’t look for self-glory. Most parents recognize that when your children achieve something they deserve the recognition and not you.
- Admit that you don’t know everything and admit when you are wrong. This is sometimes challenging for parents and for leaders. But no one has all the answers. My mother was willing to admit when she was wrong. I remember her saying “being a parent is a long journey without a roadmap. You take some wrong turns but its best to admit and make corrections before you really become lost.”
- Make time for yourself. My mother seemed to find the balance of finding some moments for herself and with her friends. The need to self-care – a recharging—remains critical to being a parent and being leader.
On this Mother’s Day weekend, I acknowledge the inspiration and support from my mom. Her role as a “mother leader” shaped me as a parent and as a leader.
I hope you will take the time to reflect on the adults who guided and shaped your life and how they helped to shape you as a transformational leader.